bottled water is the world’s biggest scam

How much are you willing to pay for bottled water? How’s $480 for a case of Limited Edition Crimson Red sound? Much in the same way that celebs like Mary-Kate Olsen helped turn a Starbucks coffee cup into a must-have accessory, luxury bottled water has become something of a status symbol, with many individuals paying quite a lot more than your typical $1.50 for bottled water. Think of the stereotypical “bling” that rappers wear around their necks, or the association of Escalades with the rich and famous: the jewelery and cars are less about the product, per se, than the image that these individuals are buying along with it. And for some, that image of luxury and the I’ll-pay-this-much-for-water-just-because-I-can messaging can come at a hefty price: at $20 per bottle, the aptly named Bling H20 (a luxury brand of bottled water endemic to the celebrity scene) wins the prize for “world’s most expensive bottled water.” Its website plays up the image of extravagance and class, with on-site reviews hailing the products as “sipping pure prestige.”

Side-rant: you gotta give Bling H20’s for feeble their attempts at green marketing. Check out their $40 Go Green edition. Anyone want to take guesses as to geographic location of Bling H20’s headquarters? I’ll give you three guesses, but I’m pretty sure you’re only going to need one: Dandridge, Tennessee. Really, the fact that the United States of the Self-Absorbed is home to such a colossal symbol of self-indulgence in the face of world poverty and hunger shouldn’t come as a surprise. We are, after all, a country that touts professional socialite Paris Hilton as newsworthy, a country that cares more about Britney than bombs: can it be any plainer why the rest of the world hates us???

The real solution? Good, old-fashioned, all-American tap! Sure, you might forfeit the sleek packaging, but the price is sweet: at an average $.001 per one-day’s supply of water (about 100x the cost of bottled water), I’d take tap over unnecessary wastefulness and gratuitous indulgence any day.

Invest in a water purification filter and take the money you would have spent on bottled water and spend it on a worthier cause than your own image. We’re all about personal branding but really – this is excessive!

And for those of just have this inexplicable, inexorable need to purchase overly priced bottled water, here’s a cause worthy of spending $20/bottle: Charity Water. 100% of the proceeds go towards funding freshwater construction projects in Ethiopia, Uganda, Central African Republic and Malawi. One case will provide enough clean water for 24 people for 15 years. So go there and purchase $480 cases of water to your heart’s content! :)

6 comments for “bottled water is the world’s biggest scam

  1. me
    September 2, 2008 at 4:02 pm

    bling is the shit!

  2. Solar Radio
    September 7, 2008 at 2:58 am

    Furious activity is no substitute for understanding.H.H.WilliamsH. H. Williams

  3. Emergency Blanket
    September 7, 2008 at 11:14 pm

    If you want to know all about Andy Warhol, just look at the surface of my paintings and films and me, and there I am.  There’s nothing behind it.AndyWarholAndy Warhol, Holy Terror:?Andy Warhol Close Up

  4. Mountain House foods
    September 8, 2008 at 7:51 pm

    Humanity has won its battle. Liberty now has a country.MarquisdeLafayetteMarquis de Lafayette

  5. Shakelight
    September 9, 2008 at 4:41 pm

    I do it for the joy it brings, cause I’m a joyful girl. ‘Cause the world owes us nothing, we owe each other the world.AniDifrancoAni Difranco

  6. Ethan Ross
    March 18, 2009 at 7:30 am

    Bottled water also steals your soul. Don’t drink that stuff.

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