has jamba juice gone bananas?

The secret is out—thanks to a mysterious partnership between Dole Food Corporation (big time fruit dealers) and Jamba Juice (smoothie dealers) we know where smoothies come from. You know those stickers on bananas with either “Chiquita” or “Dole” logos? Now some bananas are sporting Jamba Juice logos.

What does this mean?

This means Dole supplies the fruit Jamba blends into those sugary smoothie concoctions passed off as health food (some smoothies have more than a day’s daily allowance of sugar and carbs), fattening up Americans in 21 states. Dole and Jamba are chums, butt buddies if you will, which is analogous to buying ground beef with Carl’s Junior branding, or buying flour with Hostess logos on the packaging.

To decipher Jamba’s true message, these scenarios must be considered:

Is Jamba seeking to educate the public about smoothie composition?
Possibly. Many Americans have too much on their mind to pay attention to what the Jamba employees are throwing into the blenders behind the splash-proof glass at the local Jamba juice bar. Does it even matter anyway? Jamba Juice is a euphemism for sugar-rush delivery. Eat a donut? No, have a Jamba instead. Why would you eat a donut when you can have liquefied fruit? It’s much healthier and rich in fiber.

Perhaps Jamba’s at war with Black and Decker, Cuisinart, or some other blender manufacturer. Jamba Juice doesn’t want anyone getting the wrong idea and making their own smoothies when they see bananas or other fruits lying around the house. Jamba wants the public to believe there’s more to smoothie production than operating those cheap, noisy made-in-china, chic-in-the-late-seventies, alternating-current-powered jugs with propellers at the bottom. Blenders are a major threat to the smoothie industry.

Or, Jamba’s tactic could be much more scientific—the subliminal message of the Jamba stickers is this: “Don’t even think about sticking that banana in a blender. Smoothie making is an age-old process utilizing black magic and secret ingredients. Its also very hazardous work, and your kitchen lacks splash-proof glass and the supervision of Jamba-trained smoothie technicians. Come to Jamba Juice and order a smoothie instead.”

Jamba’s tactics could be more devious. It is widely known that many people, when depressed, self medicate with food. Jamba Juice labels on fruit will confuse many people, especially those who didn’t know Jamba smoothies came from fruit. Jamba could be trying to capatalize—betting this state of confusion will trigger depression, which may trigger self-medicating with food, multiple visits to Jamba Juice in one day, increased quarterly profits, you know the rest.

This phenomena could be the signal of a new form of indirect advertising techniques. Will we be seeing Ex-lax logos on toilet paper, Budweiser home pregnancy test kits and Listerine-branded garlic cloves? You never know.

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4 thoughts on “has jamba juice gone bananas?”

  1. Jared says:

    Fruit prices have gone up and cleaning a blender can be a pain in the arse so spending 4 bucks on a smoothie isn’t all that bad . Some of Jambas smoothies have less then 300 calories (at least the ones that I like).

  2. Marthy says:


  3. kevin says:

    i am gay and prouded

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