Red riding hood and the big bad Kraft

There was once upon a time an urban girl dressed in a [red] t-shirt carrying fervously a green bag. She was portrayed as adventurous, experimental and flavor-seeking. Dearly loved by double, big, quarter, supreme and whoppers, she was the dread of their marketers.

As she was heading light-hearted through the forest of life to its gigantic and alluring consumption market, she inadvertently met with the big bad Kraft cheese (division) who had a good mind to – spend $ 400 million to advertise the brand and give a treat to Kraft singles branch for totaling $ 600 million last year – EAT her UP!

Kraft has just declared the war to its recalcitrant consumers and announced us that it won’t tolerate to loose its hegemony. In fact, the leading food and beverage group profit bit the dust with a brutal fall of 30%, from a billion last year to 703 million! Tex Avery’s wolf will have his eyes out of their orbits, if I daresay!

And as a result, has decided to adopt an offensive and aggressive strategy to reconquer its lost market shares in reinvigorating or revampiring (after midnight) its brand!

Given that the retail market of cheese represents $11 billion, that Kraft cheese branch amounted 18% of its revenues, broken down as followed 20% for the north American company (KFNA) and 13% for the international (KFI). A special effort ( $ 400 to 600 million) had to be implemented in the marketing and advertising department since KFNA and KFI generated respectively 73% and 27% of 2000 pro forma revenues.

The real battle consists of elaborating a product to match consumer and demographic trend, don’t you think?

Discourteous in his impatience, Kraft asked her of her whither she was going!

“Oh, just to Organic Land, to get some emmenthal cheese and a pack of soy-based sliced cheese to make grilled veggie burgers for my seven dwarf friends who live in the depth of Holy wood!

To this additive blasphemy and lack of genetically engineered soothing food, empowe(red) with anger, his pawn shot at the misleading health path sign that indicated “the happy sandwich” realm!

Trembling with excitement, without holding back her joy, the hedonist’s taste buds were salivating in advance to the idea of the forthcoming feast!

Kraft deliberately took the shortest way, she went the longest!

To calm down any overwhelming outburst “we’re not promising happiness” said Ms Delaney who recently joined Nitro as global executive creative director, exploding with joy while asserting that their team just launched a campaign contest on myspace, the youth portal (smart strategy, isn’t?)

As red riding hood was navigated from charybde to scylla through the meandrous and luxurious suffocating vegetation, her face became pallid with deception while hearing her confession.

“So where is the revolution of this new campaign ? She asked dumbfounded.

As Kraft unveiled its true motivation, “five spots planned, shorter, humorous tone, featuring animation”! Is it a sign of the time or a response to the growing-up child sleeping in every adult that we are! What a sweet attention from Delaney!

Hidden itself under the clothes of a quality food and beverage multinational, its behavior awakened red riding hood’s curiosity!

“What big whey concentration you have in the composition of your cheese!”

“It is to texture-ize the better!”

“What numerous colors you have!

“It is to mislead the better the cheese natural properties, my child!

“What large amount of chemicals in your emulsifiers you have!

“It is to melt you the better!

“What great teeth you have got!

“It is to eat thee up!

And upon saying these words, the wicked Kraft fell upon Red riding hood and…

“And though their true designs they artful hide! yet ah! These simpering wolves, which does not see! Most dangerous of all wolves in fact to be?”

1 comment for “Red riding hood and the big bad Kraft

  1. Leelee Bell
    October 22, 2007 at 9:44 pm

    Lmao! Damn straight. Wolves are tricky things, ya know. They sneak up on ya’ and bite your head off. That’s what Kraft’s doing, I think =P Smart little tackers they are XD

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